Get Lost to Get Found

I have been on safari for the last few months. Safari, being that described by author Sarah Ban Breathnach. “In Africa, to go on safari – the Swahili word for journey – is to leave the comfort and safety of civilisation to venture into the wilderness. Each time you listen to the woman within – your authentic self – you do the same. Remind yourself of this often.”

And so, off I had ventured with no agenda, no pre-planned destination, and no expectation. I simply surrendered to the call of my authentic self. Something needed time to surface, and to honour the process, I let go of everything, everything, ventured into my internal wilderness, and waited.

“You have to leave the comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition,” Alan Alda advises the inner explorer in you. “What you will discover will be wonderful. What you will discover will be yourself.”

While on this safari, I was intuitively called to re-visit Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss and re-work my archetypal wheel. For the most part, ten of my twelve archetypes remained the same as when I had first cast my wheel. It was with higher sight that I now saw two dominant archetypes I had previously allowed to remain hidden, one of which was the indebted servant or puppet.

As Myss explains in The Call to Live a Symbolic Life, you will first encounter the shadow side of a dominant archetype before the age of seven years old. It was this information that caused me to look back upon that time of life and examine events and patterns. With no memorable 'events' my focus fell to patterns. I saw that I had walked in the constant shadow of someone. I have memories of actually following behind, always behind, never in front on any level. I was a puppet to another's desires, thoughts, beliefs, and actions. As childlike as they would have been at that time, the dynamics were set, the sacred contract was in motion.

Myss further explains that between the ages of eight and fifteen, the same shadow archetype will gain more power. How true. At age thirteen after my father's death, this same person had assumed the role of both patriarch and matriarch in my life. My various attempts to kick against this proved fruitless and I retreated to live in the shadow of this archetype, a subservient.

Subconsciously I had chosen to live in the shadow of this archetype to satisfy a personal agenda of being free from responsibility. After all, if someone wants to be in control, let them. It is easier to be told what to do, rather than make decisions; to be passive rather confront someone; to hide from potential criticism rather than show intelligence; to be voiceless, rather than articulate thoughts, feelings and beliefs. But there are of course consequences to be had, whether this was a subconscious choice or not.

I had effectively relinquished responsibility for my life, and in doing so, I had relinquished my self-worth. The existence of this shadow archetype was now so blatantly obvious throughout my life. It had affected all of my relationships, including my relationships to health, wellness, diet, people, finances, and my relationship with self. Ah the bliss of revelation!

It was this shadow archetype that led me to seek more people throughout my life who would bring out my need to continually relinquish my self-worth and personal responsibility in order to satisfy my own personal agenda. It was this sacred contract that ultimately brought me to my very knees and close to death as I struggled to reclaim any remnants of self-worth.

I now see this as a sacred contract which needed to be fulfilled in order for me to come into spiritual maturity. I see those involved, including myself, as nothing more than a vital part of that contract. Each serving our own sacred contract. Each party released from any conceived wrongdoing. Ah the freedom!

I still have work to do, but I am now very aware of the shadow side of this archetype. Every now and then I still hear it rear its head. It's the reason why months can roll by without me taking action in some area because it would be nice, familiar even, for someone else to take responsibility. It's the reason why I wait...for whoever, whatever, whenever. And as the shadows clear I understand this sacred contract was a core block to not living life to my highest potential for such a long period of my life. I see it so clearly, and the wisdom is so liberating. I am, as Myss states, responsible for animating my own life. As are you.

This safari has indeed been a wonderful road of discovery. I have uncovered even more wonders of life, of my life. I have many more uncharted waters still to sail but for now I am empowered with new wisdom, fresh from safari, Divinely serving through my writing, taking responsibility for me, and surrendering all that is to Divine will.